I'm not an asshole; I'm not good enough to be an asshole.As soon as most everybody's inside, I smoke another cigarette less because I want one and more because it gives me something to do with my hands other than punch a wall. Maybe all those bruises were me. Maybe it's always been me beatin' up on her an' I've been too blind or stupid ta notice.The bell rings but I haven't finished my smoke so I don't move. When I do finish, I consider going to class and instead light another one. I wish I had something stronger than cigarettes. No wonder Peter popped my shoulder out. He shoulda beat my ass. He shoulda told me what I'd done and beat my ass for doin' it.Eventually, Peter finds me. I pin him to the wall - only because he wasn't expecting it, "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Because I haven't seen you all goddamned day! Shit! Back off, Alex!"I let him go; it's not Peter I'm mad at anyways. I start down the stairs."Where are you going?" he yells after me.I have no idea, "Who the fuck. However, there was one part of my job that I dreaded more than any other—giving spray tans. (But not for the reasons you might be thinking… keep reading. And if you've read this blog before, you need to read it again).Since this was the only spray tanning place in town, I saw women of all ages, sizes, skin tones and height. I spray tanned college girls, high school seniors for prom, moms, teachers, business owners, and more. I saw tons of women at their most vulnerable state—naked, in front of a mirror, while another woman (that would be me) stood in front of them. Read over that last sentence. It kind of sounds like a bad dream, am I right?Right before a spray tanning appointment, my heart would sink. It’s because I knew there was an 80% chance that the woman I would be spraying would say one or all of the following about herself: “I haven’t worked out in forever!” “Don’t judge me; I just had a baby.” “Oh, gosh, I can’t believe I’m about to be naked in front of this.
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