She had everything packed and ready to go for the morning. She also informed the Charge of quarters of her impending absence, to see that the cleaning crews dusted at least once weekly while she away. He added her request to the daily log and confirmed with her the orders and timing.She decided a hot meal was in order so she went to the mess hall and ate her fill. After dinner, she went to the bathhouse and did a complete wash and soak. She did take some time to chat with Farleo and enjoyed tea and cakes with her. Farleo was impressed on how well Tamalain had recovered since that sad day long ago. She knew she would not get another chance at this until near Kelethin. Once she was clean and rested, she returned to her quarters and managed a full night's sleep. It would be the last she would get for several weeks.The next morning found her at the northern stables minutes before the time she had set. All three of her charges were present and waiting for her arrival. "Good morning. ’ ‘By how much?’ ‘Well, at this point we can’t quite be sure. With drugs, we can make it so that you won’t black out if the seizures persist, make the pain tolerable, and maybe take away the edge of the depression so that you won’t become suicidal.’ ‘It’s too late for that.’ ‘So it won’t kill me, but it will fill me with excruciating pain and make me incapable of happiness?’ ‘Yes,’ Dr. Turner said mournfully. Not wanting to bother staying in the hospital, I asked to be discharged. Before leaving, we stopped off at the hospital pharmacy to pick up my meds. I was holding my hands out in the cold October air as we drove, hoping that the raw chill might ease the dull throbbing in my fingers. The pain pills were slowly kicking in, making it so that the sting was bearable, but already, the word ‘bearable’ had gained a whole new meaning for me. The drive home was silent, for my parents were trying to keep back tears, but I was calm. That’s the one good thing about being suicidal: the.
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