She asked of all her friends who was I most attracted to and I told her. Then I asked her and she said him (the betrayer). I guess I should have seen this coming. Granted, this was some time ago so some details are sketchy. But here is what I remember she said...He and his sister told her that they needed some help looking for furniture for his new house. He'd just dumped his girlfriend (who cheated on him) and so when she took the furniture he needed some new stuff. By now he'd been showing up at her work from time to time just to chat. I didn't know about this. Who knows what happened during those times to precipitate what eventually happened on this night. Anyway, while looking for furniture his sister said she needed to go back home cause she needed to meet someone about a car at her house. She conveniently lived next to her brother.So they go back and they're all in his house. Later this guy arrives and he and his sister go out and leave my girl alone. Then he comes back in and. Deep down, at my core, who was Steve Adams, the human being? And how could he, ever, in any universe I could imagine, become a true bodhisattva, let alone a Buddha.The simplest understanding of bodhisattva, the ‘seeker of enlightenment’, could well apply to me, but I questioned if I was TRULY on the path to enlightenment, and TRULY seeking it, or if it was simply a phase I was going through. What made me question my own motives was that I had heard all of this before, and had even tried to implement it in my life. But, almost as soon as Anala had left, I had reverted to my old ways. I was concerned that was going to happen again when I left what amounted to a monastery where I was cloistered and returned to the ‘real’ world.But what if, I thought, THIS was the real world, and I was seeing clearly? What if I’d built a life on ephemeral images and thoughts, which would be swept away? I’d experienced that in the past - Birgit’s death; Stephie’s death; Nick’s death; and most recently,.
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