Her arms wrapped around herself, holding herself as the pain ripped through her heart and soul, quietly, alone. The few friends who sought her out, meant well, but the pain radiated through her body. she fought the desire to give up, fought to hold on to her sanity. she tried to heal to move on, to regain her strength, and she made a good show of it, but in her heart she knew she hadn’t. It was a show for the others to see. she felt and saw herself withdrawing from friends. she felt the gates closing in around her heart, locking out the feelings, the tenderness, the very depth of who she was. her body ached with need to be held, to be cared for. she turned to other things, searching to find some peace, some healing. she did not want this pain, this pure agony to control her. she felt how fragile, how small she really was. she thought herself strong, but she was weak. As she struggled to build up her strength and keep the walls down, she put on a brave face. Those around her were. ’ ‘How could I leave,’ she said in her imperturbable manner. ‘You wouldn’t give me any money, most guys wouldn’t want my body the way it is, and in any case I don’t want to risk the kid at this stage. Where else could I go?’ ‘There are organizations…’ I began. ‘Now you wouldn’t want me going to those places, would you. Look, I won’t be any trouble. I can cook and clean the place while you’re at work and there’ll be a meal ready for you when you get home. You might even find I’m nice to have around.’ Whatever else having her around might be, ‘nice’ was not a word I would have used to describe it. ‘I thought you couldn’t cook,’ I said. ‘There you go,’ she taunted, ‘You didn’t listen to me properly, you men never do. I never said I couldn’t cook, what I said was I’d been eating takeaways. Now just go and wash or whatever you do and I’ll get the meal ready.’ I could barely believe what I was hearing. This totally unexpected and uninvited girl had virtually taken over my home. I was about.
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