After about 5 or 10 minutes. he told me to roll over. i looked him in the eyes with fear on my face slightly shakeing my head no. he said o no you started this shit now where going to finish it. now i said turn over bitch. he flipped me over like a sack of potatos. he was 6 foot 4 250 pounds.he said o ya look at that ass.i herd him pop the cap on the lube.then i felt him aplying it in the crack of my ass.while he was telling me dont worry where going to do this right. he put one finger in and i was of and running squirmingg. he worked in another. then i dont know how many he used but he knew what he was doing. he said looks like you or redy.he grabed my hips and pulled me up on my knees pushed my head down to the bed.i felt him moveing up between my legs. i was shakeing bad knowing this is going to hurt. i felt him start to penatrate. i felt a sting then it stop he did that about a dozen times.all the sudden i felt a realy painfull sting i tried to pull away from him but held me. It’s like this person beside me isn’t Ben. I want to tear my hair out just to make that Ben come back and occupy this skin beside me that’s not looking at me. ‘I guess we’re not okay yet.’ The words are dragged out of me. ‘Guess not,’ he agrees. ‘God damnit, Ben,’ I punch the air with my words and stomp away, leaving my coffee there, leaving Amy there. And I walk. I walk a long time. My knees aren’t very happy with me, and then my feet are even less happy. The only thing I can think about is that I have no idea how to live my life without Ben. It starts to rain. And here I forgot my umbrella. The streets puddle with light as the sun sets. I feel the rain flow between my fingers as I walk. I can’t remember being this drenched before. It’s when I get to a corner store and see the flowers there, the tulips that I realize I’ve been crying. My throat hurts so bad with trying to hold it in that I can’t swallow. I reach for my phone and text him because I don’t know what else to do. All I.
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