I thought back to a phase in my early teens when I had for many months dressed up in my sister's clothes, the pretty high school clothes she had not taken with her to college. A relaxed soak in the tub in the evening, not a shower, and then, clean and dry, I would excitedly dress myself.The garter belt first, fastening the hooks and eyes in the front and then swivelling it behind me, just as my sister had shown me two years earlier. Her relief when I didn't tell our parents that I had caught her smoking dope had made her grateful, and she had only needed the subtlest of hints that I wanted to see her dressing. She clearly thought she was safe enough with a ten-year old boy, and with unconcealed amusement had let me watch one evening as she prepared to go out.I had watched carefully, and memorised the feminine body language and gestures that women use when dressing and undressing. As I practised later, mimicking my sister's movements, they had become second nature.After the garter belt. I am saying that with how drawn I am tohaving Bella out whenever I can that it looks that way.I have to do what is best for me. I know it is a desire and want to beBella all the time. I just do not know if it is a need. Today too manypeople confuse a want with a need. If transitioning to Bella is a needthen I will have to do it regardless of the professional and socialcost. I would much rather lose my job and people who do notunderstand transgenderism than lose myself.Losing my job is a minor worry. Working at Pitt has so many benefits.Now one of the biggest ones is how much they protect their workers'rights. Pennsylvania also has gender identity protected in itsemployment discrimination law. The only concern I have is losing myteam underneath me. If that happens then I can lose my job. I do notsee that happening because of the relationship I have with my team.I make sure that we have a great professional relationship. I am nottheir buddy and do not play favorites. I treat them all.
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