The lights were dim and the booth allowed them as much privacy as you could expect in a public place. He ordered a beer for himself and was surprised when she ordered a Jack Daniels and water.When the waitress brought the drinks, Jessica downed hers and ordered another one before the waitress had a chance to leave."Would you like to tell me what's bothering you? I listen real good and I don't make judgments."Jessica looked at him as if trying to make up her mind if she should confide in a person that she had only met 10 minutes ago."Are you the man that's been keeping my mother so bubbly? You're all she wants to talk about when I call." If I'm making her all bubbly as you put it, I'm glad and yes I am seeing your mother. I don't know where we are going with it yet, but I have high hopes."Jessica stared at her second drink, "John and were happy the first couple of months after we moved to California. He went with that computer outfit and things started to change. I don't now if you. I find myself screaming on the inside, unable to break free of my pain. I wear a mask of contentment that grows weaker; my smile however happy it may appear is a charade- a fake twitch of the muscles for my audience. I feel angry, I feel unworthy, I feel caged and I feel empty. These emotions make me want to break free — to leave this life in search of another for nothing I or anyone else does makes me feel truly happy and conflict free. To fill the gap I harbour in my soul seems pointless — neither family member nor any person on this earth can change the way I am. Death seems to be my only solution- my only escape and yet fate has not allowed me to leave this place and, I haven't the courage to do so myself. Invisibility would be a gift and yet the only thing I wish for lies within the bounds of impossibility.I want to disappear from the life I live and find another, I want to leave all those I know forever. I know myself better than any other and I know that I lack the capacity.
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