." added Jill and mum nodded her agreement."Yes and fuck ourselves silly, but in the meantime, my son has just got himself engaged to my lover, so let's have some champagne shall we?" Oh yes champers," giggled Jill. "But let's have it in the garden, after all, it's going to be our last night here."Together Jill and I watched as she walked back into the bar to buy the champagne, hips swinging provocatively beneath the tight black skirt and I thought back to when I'd met her outside the prison, a timid, downtrodden statistic with no mind of her own and no will at all of her own. I remembered how she'd cried when I gave her the money I'd saved to let her buy some new clothes and all the other little things that women need for their self-esteem."I know where you're at Tommy" Jill's hushed voice interrupted my thoughts and she took my hands in hers."We've all been through it darling, all three of us, but not anymore. We're out of it now and on the way up, don't dwell on the past for her. Week 15Guarding my damn computer and cell phone is now my full-time job. I try to keep our communication to the bare minimum, still I have to arrange those risqué rendezvous. Which means my computer and cell phone likely harbor all sorts of damning evidence.I suffer regular panic attacks wondering if I actually left my laptop open. Yesterday, when I forgot my mobile, I had to run home to retrieve it immediately.Week 16I called my lover by my husband's name today and we had a good laugh, but now I worry I'll say the wrong name at the wrong time. It is a constant fear. Over coffee it is a concern; in bed it will border on crippling. I am still getting intimate with my husband. But when I am, I am thinking about my lover, comparing the two, no matter how much I try not to.God I hate my new world.I have had to stop addressing both men by their actual names and now stick to something generic like "honey."Week 17I am someone's wife, someone's mother. I took vows and was building a life and.
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