These days, I’m in bed by 9pm. My recon days are over for me.’ ‘Me too, Jack,’ said Eddie. ‘My Sally is not in the best of health. If anything was to happen to me, she’d be alone.’ ‘Yeah, yeah, I understand.’ Jack suddenly realized his once strong and take-charge friends had become feeble, old men. ‘Just don’t call the cops on me, now that I’ve spilled the beans to you guys, as to what I’m going to do.’ ‘Jack, your business is secret with us,’ said Eddie. ‘You do what you think you have to do, Jack,’ said Bill. ‘Take care of yourself, Jack,’ said Joey. They left Jack to sort things out alone. The first order of business was to take out the big dope dealer around the corner. That night, he waited until the streets were quiet. ‘Hey, old man, you back for more?’ Always, there were two armed men out front keeping watch. He knew they were packin’ by the way their pants hung low and their white t-shirt billowed out in front. ‘Yeah, yeah, I need to buy something for my grandson, his. Before going up there, I had a pretty good idea of what went on at Dean's, but I honestly thought I was going to get the option of getting involved. Like I could've just watched if I wanted. But it wasn't like that at all. I was in it from the start and I fucking loved it. That threw a spanner in the works. How dare I love it? What kind of a slut was I? God. Even the horrible feelings of being ignored faded from my selective memory. It was an incredible weekend, and thoughts and flashes from it haunted me for weeks. And yet, my jealousy concerned me. I could drown in sensuality, but if Andrew received pleasure from someone else, I felt betrayed! Then I felt guilty about thinking such ridiculous thoughts. What was wrong with me? It was the only part of the weekend that left me with questions. One time at work I giggled when I thought of writing, 'My Master's pleasure is my joy!' a hundred times on the whiteboard in the executive boardroom. I wished I were always so nonchalant and laid.
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