Friday night... Jesus."Friday. The date. The dress. The taxi. The blow job."I'm sorry." I thought yesterday that... why not? If you wanted to. Why not. But Icouldn't do it."I squeeze his hand."Ellen will be back soon," I say gently. "The real Ellen. Just let meteach until she does. You know I can. I won't tell anyone if you don't."He pulls his hand away and looks up, looks at me. His eyes meet mine."Why did you... sleep with me?" he asks, his voice low. "Why did you doall those things that you did?"Why do I talk like Ellen even when I'm alone in the house? Why do I wearher sleepwear and sleep in her bed? Why did I go to the Gym yesterday?Why did I kiss Wayne? Go on a date with him? Have sex with him? Why am Idoing this at all? Why am I wearing this dress, this makeup, this mask?Shayna thinks it's to help Ellen: that I'm doing all this for my aunt inneed. Ellen thinks it's for the money: earning her paycheck however Ican. Wayne probably thinks I'm a pervert.They're all wrong."Can you. Whack! Whack! His belt hit my bottom, giving me my only answer to that ill advised question. "You just don't, that's all. End of story." Ow!" I cried, bawling in pain and confusion. He told me again not todo it. "Don't let me catch you doing that again!" is exactly what he said.It hurt a lot, getting spanked like that. But it didn't deter playingwith nudity outside much at all, not after a few weeks to forget. Unlike things like playing with fire which could hurt someone, therewas no good reason given for not doing it. It was wrong, that wasall. What it meant to me was that our parents would punish me if Igot caught but there was no other reason. It seemed like such fun, soall I had to do was make sure that we were far enough from home not toget caught again. I'm sure that wasn't the lesson Dad intended, butthat is what I learned from it.Jack and I stripped naked in the woods near the railroad tracks, whichran across the street east of our house. No adults came around there,so we.
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