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‘Can’t blame a girl for tryin’,’ she whispered. ‘Now, can I please put you down? You’ve gained a lot of weight.’ I put her on her feet, just in time to catch the flat of her hand on my chest as she swatted me. ‘I have not gained weight! I’ve had a goddamned parasitic infestation, you asshole!’ She swatted me again, then went pale and put her hands to her face and gasped. ‘Annie! What’s wrong! Did I hurt you? Oh, Jesus, Annie! I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Do you need a Doctor? Maybe I better find a phone. Wait. I have a cell phone. I’ll call 911. Oh sweet Jesus, Annie.’ I was on my knees in front of her, fumbling like an idiot through my pockets for my phone, when her hands finally found my face. She hugged me to her chest, disturbingly ample for such a small person. ‘I’m OK, ya big doofus! I just moved too fast. The woman who took out my eyes was not a very good doctor. In fact, she was only about one step up from a witch doctor. She saved my life, but her technique left something. He explained to me that I didn't understand howa professional lawn service worked and that he expected to receivepayment for the work that had been done. I told him it didn't look likeany work had been done and that he should turn his blades on or perhapssharpen them, but I would not be paying until I could drive in my driveway and "see" that the lawn had been cut.He told me I was a rich snob, driving around in my little sports car,thinking I was really something. "Yea, I saw you drive in your drive waytoday as if you were really something, looking down at me cause I'm thelawn guy, but I'll tell you something."I stopped him by saying, "Look, I've told you how I feel and until I seeresults, I'm not paying you." I then hung up the phone, he tried to callback a few times, but I didn't answer.A few day's later I had put on my favorite pink dress, white petticoat,pink panties and bra, a white garter belt and suntan stockings, blackhigh heels and long dangling earrings and went for a.
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