My friend Glen had tricked me once with his far superior sexual intellect. He was asking a group of us, each in turn, which way we preferred to, "Jack Off" which is one way he put it. I believe, at that time, i had never achieved an orgasm via masturbation. I had, however, realized that when i woke up in the morning, laying on my belly, i got a very pleasant sensation when i pushed my pelvis down against my mattress. I would squeeze my butt cheeks together and hold my penis hard against my bed. No ejaculate, no intention, i just happened upon it. So there i was being peppered with questions from Glen, he asked: did i do the reverse bicycle pump? He made some silly attempt at a believable scenario. Then he asked if i kept to the old standard ( sperm count)? At the time non of these made an ounce of sense to me. Hindsight, the sperm count seemed to be the proper choice. But that day, i just played along and agreed with everything he said, he called me on it too. He made me feel unfit. She would hum it all the time. Whenever we were about to do something daring, or even just a bit risqué, she would sing the line, "You can call me anything you like, but my name is Veronica." Her name in lyric seemed empowering. Certainly, she was as wild as the girl in the song.We met standing in line. Veronica sang that line, over and over, til she was called. In seconds, she was a screeching harpy, gouging flesh out of a civil servant's hide. I stood to one side and handed her things as the need arose—paper, pen, copy of the regulations, etc. I was the perfect contrast, standing quietly, but towering over the desk.Eventually, the clerk picked up his phone and progress was achieved. Roni hrumphed with feeling. I presented my paperwork for the clerk to stamp. That done, we left the office. Once the door was shut behind us, she threw her arms around me and said, "I don't know who you are, but I owe you coffee. They never give in that fast."Veronica bought two lattes to go, then I.
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