The fact that I felt envious about this was troubling. I knew that dressing as a girl was supposed to be shameful. On some psychological level, I imagined that Donny had actually surrendered his maleness and had temporarily become a girl. This scared me. I wanted to keep my boyhood pure and unfeminized. Therefore, I had to suppress any curiosity I had about wearing a dress. And so I asserted my masculinity and hit him.But I still couldn't stop thinking about it. While riding with my father a few days later, I must have been carrying on about Donald and his dress, because Dad became annoyed."Why do you keep talking about this?" he asked abruptly. "Would you like to wear a dress?"I was taken aback. "No, of course not," I protested."Then let's change the subject."Dad stopped the car at Grandma's and went inside to help with some repairs. Grandma glared at me from the doorway. I stayed outside and found Donald playing in the back yard. I figured I might as well get it over. I went back to sleep and awoke that Sunday morning at around ten or so. I immediately glanced at myself in the mirror again, and I just bit my bottom lip. "Fuck him, he doesn't love me; he was just trying his bullshit again." I got dressed and went out into the hallway. When I entered the living room, now in different clothes, I found him with our parents, watching a football game. "Come on, we need to play some better defense if we are gonna win this game," he chanted, as he clapped. We made eye contact for a second, but nothing was said or done as I strolled to the kitchen. I did feel slightly bad, but I stood my ground. "Yes, touchdown!" he yelled, as he leaped up off the couch. I made my way back towards the hallway. "Was that the same guy that was at my door confessing his love to me six hours ago?" I asked myself, as I walked out into the hallway. "What is he, a nut?" I inquired, glancing back at the living room. Over the next few weeks, he began avoiding me. He never said a.
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