And, I just cried.Jamie said, "Every thing will be ok." But, how. With all the down sizing going on, jobs are hardto find." I know. I know. But, I'm still working. And, we have allthat money we've saved from my salary." That money is for the new house." I know. But, we'll just stay here awhile longer. It will befine."I got up, and walked to the kitchen, Jamie right behind me.I grabbed a bottle of wine, a glass, and headed out onto thepatio. I just sat there, drank the whole bottle, and watchedthe rain clouds build to the west. Jamie unknown to me wason the phone to Shelly. She was afraid that I was going tohave a nervous breakdown, and needed someone to talk to.They decided that I needed something to take my mind off ofthe layoff, so Shelly and Cathy were going to bring dinnerover. Jamie came out on the patio, and just sat with me. Wesat there until the rain started, around five thirty, andthen went into the house.The door bell rang at about six. I was sitting in thelivingroom, and. Not smiling, not frowning, just watching. There was fruit on the tray, four sections of whitish-orange jackfruit. I picked them up carefully, one at a time, sitting with my knees against my breasts, my chin in the valley between them. Television. I was going on television again, that was why they gave me fruit. I ate it slowly, rocking back and forth and staring at the wall.My first time had been very hard. I hadn't wanted to read the words and I'd refused. So they'd beaten me from the waist down with truncheons of rubber hose filled with sand. I hadn't been able to walk or even stand, but I'd been able to read what they told me to as I sat on a chair. My face had not been marked then, not once, nor had my arms or shoulders. Any part of me that would be seen by my friends and family was clean and soft and unbruised. It shamed me.The second time I'd been more ready and I protested silently, staring into the camera as if my eyes would tell the truth. My voice was a flat monotone.
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