You can’t be focused on your own needs.”“Ha. Yeah, I suppose so.”As we headed back to the lodge, I could tell Leo was nervous again. I walked beside him and put my arm around him, trying to think of some comforting fatherly words. It seemed like one of those situations that words failed.We passed the kitchen as we entered, and found my cousin Richard mixing himself a drink. Richard was a few decades older than me, which meant that by human terms he looked just a few years more. His hair and beard had gone mostly gray now, something that started happening when he turned his first son. He looked amazing, though. His skin tone was naturally darker, and he’d been out in the sun getting a nice bronze tan. He was one of the chubbier men of the family, with an enviable gut. He looked up and smiled when he saw us enter.“James! I heard it was your turn to sew your seed and bring us a new son to the family.”“You heard right, you dirty old man.” I greeted him with an embrace and a kiss, then. I think Ijust wanted my mother's attention, When it started it wasn't sexual but Iguess I knew it was wrong because I did it in secret.I started with my mum's clothes but little miss perfect was a big girl soit wasn't long before I was in to her wardrobe too. She liked to dress abit above her age and my mum gave her what she wanted so it might nothave been the height of fashion for what the girls my age were wearing itwasn't baby wear either. I was average size, maybe a little smaller and Icould wear it. We teased her for her weight which only brought our mother down on useven harder and increased the resentment. It was all a bit dark. I'm 40now, I live in a different town and I've mellowed but I don't look backon my childhood with much fondness. I managed to get myself expelled fromtwo schools and did my share of hell-raising.In late July of 1978, during the summer holidays, when I was twelvethings came to a bit of a head when I hit my sister. In all of my lifethe only time I've.
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