Every word that passed between them was overheard by others as casual conversation, un-notable, unnoticeable.The intensely exciting subtexts were theirs alone to treasure, to replay over and again.Only they two were aware of the powerful grip that held them, tightening their throats, magnetizing their bodies and their minds.Every secret instance of fleeting eye contact fed their unspecific hopes. They weren't sure yet what they wanted, but they wanted desperately not to stop.No plans were made or even imagined.Because of their significant others they were prisoners of circumstance, yet the attraction was fierce, animal, urgent.The urge wasn't to have an affair, the urge was to fuck.And it needed only opportunity.When opportunity came, they both hesitated, they were good people.But when their faces were inches apart, when he was close enough to sense the rising and falling of her clothed breasts, when she reached out one fair hand and lightly hooked her thumb in his belt loop---when. But it felt good, in a weird way. For the first time in this whole ordeal, I thought about how I was always very attracted to women, and never really thought about doing anything “gay”. And now, all of a sudden, I was a little bitch for this old Black man. I did all of the things I needed to do around the house, so that I could leave quickly when Carl arrived. I didn't want anyone being suspicious, and wanted to leave in a hurry. My parents had gone to some friend’s house, and I noticed my mother’s shoe collection, piled in the closet. She was a secretary and always wore high heels. I tried a pair on, and they fit pretty well. So, I looked through the pile and found an older pair of open toed ones with ankle straps that she never wore, and stole them. If I was going to be Carl’s “girl” I may as well go all out. I was fighting with myself internally about why I was so afraid, and yet so eager. Carl got there right on time and I ran to his car as fast as I could. “Excited to see me?”.
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