. )INTRO #3: It was a dark and stormy night... (On second thought, skip this one. It's a stupid opening and totally unbelievable anyway.)Which brings me to my last point. We have to stop using dumb openings to these things. Just get the disclaimer out of the way and get on with the action. Our customer satisfaction ratings have slipped from 97% to 95.3% in the latest J.D. Powers survey, and I think our "too clever" openings may have something to do with it.And use a simple disclaimer, like: *Under 18? Go away.* That'd do it. OK, let's get to work. Oh, and Dick, please report to my office. It's Wednesday.ThanksM1KEBTW: In case you're wondering, we had to let Hugh G. Rection go. He just didn't fit in.Contest Entry #2Here is another entry for Celeste's Short Story Contest. The first entry probably didn't count anyway, 'cause it wasn't really a story. It was just a memo, which we all see too many of. This one isn't really a story either.It's more of a rant, but what the fuck. Rules are. " No," said Henry sadly, "but I hope they don't hang about too long. That note in her bag yesterday really upset Samantha." I don't blame her, poor girl. As I say, I very much doubt it will be more than a couple of days."Ian did not ring back that day but matters were precipitated. At half past six the following morning Henry and Samantha's front doorbell rang insistently. Both were up but Samantha was showering and Henry was in his dressing-gown. He answered the door.Dirk stood there beaming triumphantly. "Good morning, sir," he said. "I think you'll find a note on your mat addressed to Miss Cavendish and we've got the bloke who posted it."A sandy haired man was standing behind him. Paul Smith had him in an arm lock.Henry bent, picked up the envelope and opened it. The note inside read:'Shook you a bit, didn't I, lovely Samantha. Perhaps you realise now that you really are going to be mine. Playtime's nearly over.The Rover'His face hardened and he stepped forward."Hold on, sir," said.
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