She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!”A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night.”Kid 1: “As if.”Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes. I stood out by the fence and sighted up to my window in a straight line with the pool next door and I had a clear shot of the whole pool. I sure had a lot of tree limbs too and started dragging them out through our gate to the front curb ... like I saw the other homeowners do. Boy, that tree sure looks different now. I hope Mom doesn’t get mad. She really loves her new backyard.I put my tools up and went back to my bathroom. I felt like something was crawling on me. It was saw dust from cutting all the limbs, so I took another shower and almost jacked off but thought of Mom downstairs in her bed and decided to wake her up.Mom was up and making coffee when I went back. She was in a good mood and we talked about their night playing cards and how much she enjoyed it. Then she asked me what I did.“I just rode my bike and hung out here for a while ... Mom, I trimmed that tree back next to the fence, this morning ... the one that the limb had fallen out of and busted our fence. I fixed that.
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