It was nice to be free of the IV and sensors, but Sam found that he couldn't sleep. The bed was comfortable enough. It was fairly dark, though light came in under the door from the corridor. He just felt wide-awake. Perhaps, having slept for three days straight, his body didn't feel the need for rest. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling in the dim light and listening to the faint roaring in his ears. He'd mentioned that to the doctors, who had discussed something called 'tinnitus, ' but hadn't seem much enlightened. It really sounded, he thought, like the murmur of many voices; like a large crowd very far away. It was strange, but not unpleasant.At about two in the morning, the night nurse made her rounds. Looking in at his door, she saw that he was still awake and entered."Hi," the nurse said softly. "Are you all right? Do you need anything?"Sam looked at her. She was quite pretty, with dark brown hair, and her close-fitting white uniform emphasized a rather nice figure. It was. ..I came for the 1st timeI recall.... That was the 1st time I remember. From there I starting todress more.Going to goodwill during college breaks to pickup some dresses or try ona wedding dress.There was a time I explored much more of my femininity in my late 20'searly 30's. Going out dressed en femme, shopping shopping =), going toclub dances, meeting other sisters like me, goin to various meetups andparades dressed. It was a alive exp.Then something happened and stopped exploring, a failed encounter with aguy one night in a bar, made me think I wasn't up to being a gurl sinceof rejection. Somehow that stopped me,.... Leaving me in a gray area...failed as a man, failed as a girl.I still dress, butNow I'm more man than girl for now since of work life and fam.During exploration in my early 30's I felt more gurl than boy for those1-2 years.Now in my mid/ate 30's I just feel lazy and fat and big, losing interestin many things, except the dream of being feminine. Dressing girly.
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