Still a bit jetlagged.” Jennifer stretched her arms above her head.“So we’re going to hit the mixer?”“Seems to mostly be for the young ones. Which here I guess is like eighteen to twenty-five.”“Why do you think Daddy’s so keen for us to go?”“Maybe he just wants us to have a good time? Maybe he’s got an ulterior motive. But I mean, it can’t be anything we didn’t sign up for right?”“Good point.” Tegan conceded. Worst case scenario, she figured, was she came home drunk and Daddy had his way with her while she was passed out, which she’d already tacitly consented to by coming on the trip and had already kind of happened just a few hours earlier.“Did you and daddy get up to anything after I dozed off?” Tegan enquired.“He came into my room while I was getting changed out of my bikini back into this.” Jennifer gestured at her outfit, the cropped t-shirt and tiny shorts she’d originally started the day in. “Just made some chit chat, reminded me about the mixer.” She took a puff off her vape,. I thought about who I was and what I wanted. Did I want this marriage to continue? Did I love Edie? I deliberately avoided telling her I loved her. I wasn't sure myself and so it was better not to mislead her if I had lost that love. How would I know? I once read that the test for love was to imagine your life without your partner. Divorce, death, whatever reason ... how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form. Someone I could actually become without disliking myself. I.
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