“I love you. I love you. I love you, my little friend,” the words softly sang. “Thank you, God, for my buddy.”The buzzing alarm awoke the man, and the memory of that beautiful morning faded, leaving him empty with loneliness. The apartment, still in the late evening, felt as vacant as his heart. The minutes ticked slowly on his bedside clock, reminding him of his hunger. In the distance, he could hear the sounds of vehicle traffic, hushed and oddly quiet. He realized it must have been snowing, which always quieted traffic noise.He looked around the room, taking inventory of his earthly belongings. Because he had always lived alone, he had never needed much. Now in his middle age, he felt a vagrant wistfulness about the things he’d never owned, the places he’d never gone, the people he’d never known, and the things he’d never done.The dream had left him shaken, and he tried to leave it in his bed, choosing to get up quickly instead of lingering in the warmth. The one companion he’d. The pounding was certainly otherworldly. Dick frowned and began to grow curious. As the glowing phallus pounded away, Dick's mind began to fill with questions, much like his anus was slowly filling with (alien) semen.After a short while, Dick Pound’s thoughts drifted. He thought he’d seen the alien somewhere before. But where? He racked his brains, trying to recall where he could’ve seen an alien. Ah! He clicked – he’d seen him at one of the many rap concerts he’d attended. The alien looked like notoriously awful rapper Too $hort. “Mmmm…yeah…,” Dick Pound mused, “If you could go ahead and tell me who you are, that would be great…”“YEAH YEAH,” the alien responded in caps, “REAL PLAYAS UP IN HERE NOW. REPRASENT.”The alien’s response of some Too $hort lyrics confirmed Dick Pound’s suspicions – the alien was Too $hort, and spoke only in caps, much like the lyrics to the song “Yo Neck, Yo Back” must have been written. The beat stuck in his head – de do de do do de do de do de do de do do.
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