(Insert dramatic music here) (Hey! Lady! Don't go in there! Can't you hear the music?) When you get to that point in looking at your own life, you really want to get it over with. It is a long hard road and you become very weary travelling it. Yet, it is scary to think that what comes next, altered your life so-o-o dramatically!For me the big bad WHY was established at the age of six. It was also in the language and emotional context of a six-year-old, scared, very upset, little boy. My paternal father had abandoned our family when I was six. He had run off with the lady downstairs, who left two little girls with their father. The final big thought was "If I were a little girl, this wouldn't be happening to me." Pretty heavy words for a six-year-old. Also a very large burden for someone forty years old! I realized this was the root of my obsession, the WHY that drove me to dress in stressful situations. After all, 'If I were a girl, this wouldn't be happening to me!' It was as if. I was so far from home...I made it to my car, got in and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was scratched and bloody. I did a double take. More than that. Behind my bent and damaged glasses, my eyes had changed colour. No longer brown but a deep blue and green, a mix of swirling colors like someone had mixed the colors together then frozen them in time, a permanent deep spiral in my eyes. Then I remembered. To my dismay, the details came back to me, as did the horror of what I had experienced. No... No... No! I thought.I looked at myself in the mirror again and did another double take. Where there had been scratches and cuts, my skin was now smooth. The blood was still there but no evidence it was my own. I sat back in my chair, slowly sinking lower and lower as realisation flooded through me. I had met some kind of alien creature. It was now nestled somewhere in my head.I looked at my eyes again and realised I could never go to work like this, everyone would ask me what was.
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