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. SYSTEMS LAWS & RULESIf Architects built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.Any Given program, once running, is obsolete.If a test program functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunctionIf a program is useful, it will have to be changed corollary:If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.All programs expand to fill available memory corollary:All programs expand beyond the ability of the programmer to understand them.Interchangeable files won’tRegardless of the units used by the customer, the programmer shall use his own arbitrary units, convertible only by means of weird & unnatural conversion factors. Speed, for example, will be expressed as furlongs per fortnight.Files that cannot be destroyed will be.Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the cost of errors, or until someone insists that work be done.A carelessly planned program takes 4 times longer to complete. Mom won the best dress, which I didn't even know they played, while the coolest kid in the class won the bobbing for apples.Mom pulled out my birthday cake which kind of surprised most, and thankfully we forwent the typical happy birthday song and blowing out the candles. I did get a couple of pecks on the cheek from the girls, which I liked, so all in all, it was very nice. Right up to the end of the night, when the sauce I had consumed made me braver, I asked Bo-peep if I could talk to her someplace quiet.She agreed, and I led her into a back room where we both sat, and I finally expressed my feelings towards her. I remember how she smiled and told me she actually liked me also. I was so happy but wasn't ready for when she leaned in for a kiss, and I gave her a quick smooch on the lips."What was that?" I heard her say."Umm. A kiss?" I said.She laughed and said, "Haven't you ever kissed a girl before?"Now I was embarrassed, but before I could explain how backward I was, mom had.
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