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EVER!!!!I’ve got scratches all over my thighs, a septic bite wound in one testicle and my shreddies are covered in skidmarks. I’m going back to using paper next week!This One Is Compliment of John A.This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico...New Mexico Chili Cook-off If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s no hope for you. I had tears in my eyes by the end.For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was from Springfield, Illinois.Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off ... The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came. Do you think I’ve come this far, hunted you down like a fucking dog and paid an accomplice to help me that I’m not going to hurt you if you give me half the chance? Use your fucking brains and cooperate Mel so then we don’t have to hurt you. I’m only really after one thing Mel. And that is to use you to give me back what you have taken away from me. I don’t care about Leigh, you can have the stupid arsehole. No what I care about is what Leigh provided. He was my first guy Mel, isn’t that cute? Your boyfriend popped my virginity and made me feel so good that I’m going to have to use you to replace him. You get my drift Mel? It makes me wet just thinking about you having your head trapped between my thighs...”With that Mel nearly went into hysterics trying to get away. She pushed Mandy away easily but was then doubled over in pain so quickly as Tracy took aim and put an immediate stop to any hopes Mel might have had of an escape plan with a well aimed stomp of her bare heel directly.
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