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I was unable to wear a bra because of his desire to come up behind me and grab by small breasts and pinch or squeeze them until I cried. Apparently, he received some sort of sexual gratification from my pain. When he didn’t arrive back to the cabin by Christmas morning I knew one of two things happened. He was either dead or decided to leave for greener pastures. I believed he was dead because he never dropped subtle signals of being discontented. He controlled our sex life completely and he received whatever he needed whenever he wanted because I knew the penalty for rejecting him. The only considerate thing he ever really did was to keep me from getting pregnant due to having a vasectomy during his second marriage. I am incredibly thankful for that wonderful gift. His sexual appetite was not curtailed by his inability to father children, and he was particularly inconsiderate when he wanted sexual attention when I was sound asleep in the middle of the night. Often he awakened me by. After my father's death she was too embarrassed to accepthelp and was determined to make life work on her own. Unfortunately theright to that streak wasn't looked upon so favorably in my case). So it turned out that my sitter became Martha Jane, who offered herservices freely. My Mom tried slipping her a bill or two now and then,but Martha Jane would have none if it. "You don't have to pay me to staywith him," she'd say. "I love Speedy!" This brings me to my nickname. Why I found this name so embarras-sing, even then, is a mystery to me. But I came to be known as "Speedy."My other nicknames were Mikey (from my godmother) and Butch (from mygreat-aunt). Where the name Speedy came from has many myths behind it,but most people say it had a lot to do with the legendary speed withwhich I ran away when caught at something. Martha Jane addressed me bySpeedy and sometimes by my proper name, Steven. Being called Speedy bymost people deeply annoyed me, but I didn't seem to mind when Martha.
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