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It’s ok. We’re exploring feelings real ones. Not all thoughts, feelings, and actions are pleasant. It’s ok. You need to ask yourself if you’re up to looking into these places. It’s ok if you need to skip something that hits to close to home. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. A lot of people have been hurt by suicide. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it with me. I’m NOT trying to get 500 emails begging me not to do it or 5 asshats giving advice on how to and telling me to Youtube it for their enjoyment.About two months into the initial phase of my illness is when I realized how fucked I truly was. At that point, they hadn’t found a reliable way for me to speak on a regular basis yet. I couldn’t work. Couldn’t pay enough attention to watch TV. Couldn’t write fiction. It was then I started thinking about suicide. You start asking questions. Just how bad am I willing to let it get before I say fuck it? What will living as a cripple cost my family vs living without me?. James leaned down kissing me again, massaging his lips against mine. I ran my hands up his back lifting his shirt. He leaned up taking off his shirt and as I watched his blonde hair fall over his eyes. I smiled realizing I was the luckiest girl in the world to be with him right now. My eyes studied his body, as though it were the first time I had seen it. I looked back up into his eyes as he leaned back over me. My heart pounded hard as his hand traveled up my shirt, I was lifted by his arm behind me lifting my shirt over my head and unhooking my bra. He placed me back down kissing on my neck softly, and sliding my shorts off with my panties. I looked up at him completely naked and felt so comfortable, He smiled softly and ran his hand across my cheek. I closed my eyes nuzzling my face into his palm, James slid off his pants and boxers and leaned over me. I looked at him, studying him. He smiled and pressed his body down on mine kissing me feverishly. I massaged my lips back with.
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