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The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had. " Flattery will get you everywhere," she bit into a strip of ham.Even though it was hot and humid the Howards moved to Lake Forest in early August. They didn't bring anything heavy with them since the house was already furnished. The night before the move they met the staff of servants wondering if they still had jobs. The cook, groundskeeper, two cleanup girls and Mary, the maid. They all stood in line nervously as Victoria introduced Josh and herself to each individual."Your name is?" Victoria asked the cook."Gretchen," the stout woman answered with a German accent."How long have you works for the Mikleskis?" Seven years!" Just about the time I moved out," Victoria remarked. "We aren't fancy around here. I'm mostly a salad eater, my husband likes his meat dishes and of course our baby is just starting to eat regular food. Do you think you can do that?" Ja!" Gretchen answered with a smile.One by one Victoria talked to each person. Josh just asked a few questions just to show he.
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