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I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted the initial blame for the start of her affair. You know she has a twenty-minute drive, so that part is okay. Her lover isn't with her, so it is an okay time for me. But when you realise they are together is the time your mind goes into overtime.He is fifteen years her junior, a sportsman, known as a great lover, so you know they won't watching a DVD or anything so mundane. You just know what tonight is about, and as much you could see the excitement and desire in Liz's face, I know this will be matched by her studs desire to fuck her good and proper. It is at times like this the going gets tough and I have to dig deep into my reserves. I think about what my therapist told me when I initially approached her about having a wife that often strays. After telling my therapist of Liz's long list of lovers she had before we got together, this with having concrete evidence of her many experiences since we were married, I was told that it was impossible to change a lady whose desire for cock was so great. It would be me that needed to.
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