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I started thinking how more open, funloving, and vibrant Alicia had become, what Perk had told me about hisscholarship, Robin on how being there was finally helping her movebeyond her past, then I thought about Jen. Our friendship almostpredates my memories and back when she was a tomboy she intimidated mostof the kids, a lot of it was due to her lack of confidence and so sheovercompensated by being an even bigger tomboy. She had neverintimidated me for some reason, and even at a young age I thought shewas special and could do anything she wanted. From the moment we hadmet, we had just somehow clicked, and over the years I had alwaysencouraged her. The more she started believing in herself the less sheovercompensated and started to become the Jen that I know and love now.In a funny way by helping her believe in herself I had helped her becomemore feminine, guess she just finally repaid the favor.I assume as all that info started to sink in my facial expressionchanged because mom. He had tried to be stoic, noting that Benny had been old and housebound for years. Maybe it was even a release after years of dialysis and surgery. He could tilt his lips up in a parody of a smile and mouth those platitudes, but he couldn’t stop looking like it was a part of him that died. In unguarded moments little bits of the truth leaked out. He should have visited more, should have encouraged Benny to stick to the doctors’ advice better, should have done something. Those shoulds engulfed him, suffocated him so much that I had trouble breathing. I just wanted to yell at him to let it out, let me help him. Let me do something. It wasn’t that simple, it never is. He had to work through it, and I just had to do what I could. There were moments when he flashed to life, the weight lifting from his shoulders and it was almost like seeing him normal again. But it was like water poured on a hot plate, a brief flash of life and energy that dissipated into some invisible state. I saw it.
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