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She just crawled even farther away, distancing herself from the machine, curling up inside a huge and colorful blanket.Minutes later there was a second message. She covered her ears, muttering to herself. Once again she'd been the fool. Like a teenager she'd assumed that loving someone would make that someone love her — ultimately. Like an amateur she'd supposed she could bully a girl into loving her. And like a first class idiot she'd put her head firmly into her ass, believing it was the universe.So the girl had found true love and it happened not to be with her. So what? Hadn't Alicia assured her again and again that she didn't take love in here seriously? Hadn't she even rated the most casual affairs in her 'real' world superior to anything she might call 'love' at the Club? Even if all her 'real' love connections had failed?"Stop blubbering, Angique," she mumbled. And she picked up her phone, opening its first message. It was from Alicia, of course. "Goodbye," it said. "You want. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I understand that it is only my mind rehashing the trauma and fear in order to protect my body from further damage. Knowing this gives me hope that.
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