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If this were me.I touched my face, but felt the disconnection, a dissonance of who Ithought knew I was with what I'd seen in the mirror, the fragments ofwhat I'd felt, tickling of hair caught in a breeze, a hem of skirtswirling round feet, rustle of cloth on cloth, shiver of silk on skin.It was if I stepped outside of myself, almost as if I was watching fromacross the room, even as I looked out straight ahead and saw who I sawin the mirror. You've seen, no doubt, a woman gazing in a mirror, as ifto pull herself together, to draw the bright and colored bits of selfthat maybe had been thrown across the ground, her intent, focused gazethe heat melding the broken glass shards into a whole again. Sometimes,they're more resilient than their men. But the mirror didn't help this time, the bits of me were scattered,still. Still in that haze of disconnect, I wandered on. Steep, narrowstairs led from the hallway to a second floor. Two bedrooms, a bath: anindoors bath. No so rough, then. Beds. ” It took a while to figure it all out of course. Most gurls know the story – discovering dad’s girly magazines, the fascination, the urge not just to look at, but to look like those beautiful women. The first foray into mom’s or sister’s closet. The breathless thrill of slipping into your first pantyhose or bra, the first touch of lipstick, the first pair of heels, most of all the first time you saw yourself in the mirror and realized the pretty thing looking back at you was the real you.College was such a wonderful period of experimentation and self-realization. It was when I (nervously) bought my own female clothes and shoes for the first time. It was then I became certain that Jeff was really Jennifer and that she would not go away. In fact, once she got a little peek at the outside world, she would not be denied at all. I tried to put her away or relegate her to an occasional fetish, but it never worked. I even purged all her stuff a time or two. But inevitably the.
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