Don't Moan, Your Parents Are Home. mp4

.. I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him...”Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.-- Steven WrightWhen will all the rhetorical questions end?We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?Bumper Sticker:If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.The other day, I was walking my dog around my building ... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.-- Steven WrightStudies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.What’s dumb? Directions on toilet paper.What’s dumber than that? Reading them.Even dumber? Reading them and learning something.Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.As usual, his model. There was his breakfast. A tiny cup of orange juice. Cliff hated orange juice. A cup of dubious looking tea. Two slices of toast, a wrapped piece of butter, and two tiny portions of jam. How the hell was he supposed to butter the toast and eat it?Enter the damsel to the rescue of the wounded hero. Kylie came in, a questioning smile on her lips."May I come in?" she asked, and Cliff nodded."Preess! Helme widde toas," Cliff was able to croak."Oh, of course. Drink some tea first. Here, let me help."Kylie put the cup with the lukewarm tea to his lips and he drank thirstily."Dank you," he was able to say."I'll get you some more. Oh, it's orange juice. Never mind. I brought some fresh apple juice from Janet's grandfather."Heaven! Janet's grandfather, Elias Running Elk, pressed his own apple juice from the fruit he produced in his orchard. Kylie emptied the orange juice into the sink and rinsed the plastic cup before she filled it with the turbid, freshly pressed juice. Cliff emptied the cup.
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