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One Monday morning, Eileen catches me in the hallway and tells me that she had just taken her husband to the airport, that he would be gone several days at some out-of-town conference somewhere, and that she wanted me to spend that time with her at her home. I know a good thing when I hear it, and immediately agreed. Then I started thinking about her plans for getting away with it.“Do you park in your garage?”“No. It’s full of junk I’ve been asking my husband to get rid of for years.”“So you park in front of your house.”“Yes.”“Can any of your neighbors see when you pull up in front of your house?”“Yes.”“Are any of them likely to tell your husband that you were frequently visited by another man while he was away?”“Yes. Mrs. Vander[something]. She’s the local stuck-up bitch. She’d rat on me in a minute.”“Do you have any idea how we can do this and not get ratted out by what’s-her-name?”“No.”“Well, that was a nice idea. Let me know when you come up with a plan.”She was very disappointed,. ’ ‘Well that’s not very nice,’ Rob said, ‘I’ll go in back and see if there’s anyone that gets off any time soon.’ She breathed a sigh of relief, ‘Oh thank you so much! I appreciate it!’ ‘It’s not a problem, Reina. In fact, I’ll even let your boyfriend sleep here and stay with him.’ ‘But what about your wife?’ Reina asked, ‘Won’t she be angry if you don’t come home?’ Rob looked at her with a raised eyebrow, ‘Are you kidding? She’s angry now.’ ‘Why?’ Reina asked as she sat down at the bar. ‘Because I bought a sledge hammer instead of the floral wallpaper she wanted to decorate our bathroom with.’ Reina grimaced, ‘Ouch. You should get her some flowers or chocolate.’ ‘She burned the flowers and gave the chocolate to the neighbor’s dog.’ ‘That’s not good,’ Reina said sadly, ‘what are her favorite flowers?’ ‘Tiger lilies.’ Rob answered immediately. ‘You got her roses, didn’t you?’ Rob seemed to have an epiphany, ‘Oh my God! I did get her roses! Shit! Reina, you probably just saved my life!.
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