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I want to make love to you but I’m scared that if I do I’ll fall in love with you.’ ‘And that scares you how?’ I couldn’t understand her reasoning. ‘I’m not scared of falling in love with you as much as I’m scared of what will happen when that happens. I’m scared that you won’t want to live in my world and I don’t know whether I can live in yours.’ ‘I fully understand, but it’s a hurdle that we should be able to clear when the time comes, but for now, and I know that this is going to sound trite and corny, but I love what I see and see what I love.’ ‘God that sounds like something straight out of Mills and Boon or Barbara Cartland. I never took you to be a soppy romantic.’ ‘Romantic yes, soppy no. What’s wrong with a man being romantic?’ ‘Nothing, it’s just that I’m not used to it.’ We were still in each other’s arms and the words came between kisses. I felt her hand slip between us and grab my wedding tackle. ‘What have we here?’ ‘Don’t tell me you don’t know what a cock is.’ ‘Oh I. What do you mean hardly anything? Yes, that stopped him in his tracks. There was a bit more, I said. In a way, quite a bit more. A sequel, if you like you even played a minor part in it.! His eyes flared, I could see he didnt know if I was just baiting him, goading him. Yes, in fact you could, in principle, have my story confirmed for you met one of those soldiers some time later, I added. I could see his grip stiffen on the knife, but he still challenged me. You could tell me any shit now that were out of one anothers life, he said, falling silent. The resentment in me was rising, the awareness of his blatant trespass into my new life seared my rationality forcing me to break a confidence I had always intended to keep. I drew myself upright and thrust out my bosom in defiance. You remember the bit in my story where the young soldier took my skirt and top and said he would leave them to dry at the bulkhead heater? James said nothing, simply glared. Well, the same soldier helped me.
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