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I’m not sure why, but I’m not myself anymore. I need to be mylself again. Being mmyself demands that I run into some sort of failure...”“With me?”“You will always be my first success. I mean that I run into these failures. I lost it somewhere. It just vanished. I’m not cut out for much. I’m trying to be someone I can’t be. I can’t concentrate, and I’ve been sleeping so much.”“Why not start by taking a shower?”“And then?”“We’ll talk about it. What else can I say? You’ve got to take a shower sometime. You haven’t said prayers for a while. So start with a shower, and then we will overcome the next obstacle, okay?”“I don’t want to move unless it’s all laid out plain, and until that time comes, I’ll just lie here and daydream about it.”“You won’t get very far. By the time you think it out, you’ll be dead.”“One starts with his dreams. When you lose that, then your faith will be next. After that, you lie in bed and ponder how to get out of bed. What am I going to do? I don’t feel like. Those were very high class businessmen and that my company absolutely cannot afford to lose them, so I obliged. I took my clothes off in front of total strangers for him. I stood inside the large air conditioned conference room completely naked while all the men had full black suits on and started to serve them food. I took the wine bottle in my hand and poured into their cups while they ate and chat. It was extremely humiliating and the men seemed to enjoy seeing me being humiliated. Furthermore they would intentionally say lewd comment about me while my future husband would just laugh and chat as if nothing inappropriate was said. They would chat about my body, my skills in bed and ask my boss about the difference between having sex with Chinese girls and Japanese girls. As I heard those comments my stomach waschurning and I had to squeeze my eyes very hard from crying. My head was in a daze and felt I was about to pass out; my heart was pounding so fast it was going to.
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