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Dead was dead. I’d proven that in For Money or Mayhem. A fellow author I’d met told me her book club read it and argued most of the evening until they finally agreed she had to die. But writing that scene had hurt enough to trigger the events that left me out here on the shore alone.Thursday morning, October 8, I wrote the scene and then continued for another five thousand words so I wouldn’t have to stop and dwell on it. A miracle had happened. Someone else had died. It was still sad. I still hated it. But when it came down to it, I couldn’t kill my love. She was far too precious to me.I closed my computer and didn’t write again for two weeks. I sat in that wilderness where I could hear the ocean crashing against the shore and watched my fire. Even writing it as ‘just’ a memory makes me want to open another bottle of wine and live in it.A Long Time Ago: Not Just SorrowI don’t know when or why I became such an emotional person. I guess I always have been and my emotions are nearer to. We passed through the Hampton Roads tunnel, going into Norfolk from Hampton, seeing little of it, eyes on the car ahead and the flashing lights of the ambulance further ahead. It was then that I noticed the lights of a police car that had joined somewhere, flashing lights in the rear. The Browardmobile without a Broward in it was following my love.Once we got to the hospital, we had to separate. The ambulance only could use the emergency entrance. By the time we got organized in the parking lot and went into the emergency room, Tammy's mom sat alone on a bench, her face buried, so lonely, so lost while one of her babies was hurting. All she could tell us was Tammy hadn't moved at all on the trip.Steve's dad, the Chief of Police, had followed us over from the meet, and arrived in the emergency room. Steve had been at the gym and called him. He had picked up the last car as we were leaving town, and just put his flashers on. I hadn't noticed at all till we were in the tunnel. I had.
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