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Theme parks can snap a crystal-clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.Someone posted that they had just made synonym buns. I replied, “you mean just like the ones that grammar used to make?” I am now blocked.Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers ... if you do find one, what’s your plan?The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the boat.Facial recognition software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending machine at work can’t recognize a dollar bill with a bent corner.When all this pandemic stuff is over, I still plan to wear a mask. It hides the perpetual look of annoyance I have for most people.Covid-19 Fact: 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed.I never make the same mistake twice. I do it like, five or six times, you know, to make sure.Someone just honked to get me out of my parking space faster. so now. “if you want anyone to do anything sexual for you grab their ears like this and whisper this word to them while looking in their eyes” the man gripped his ears, placing his thumbs inside them and pushing up he closed his eyes and whispered “Felanacunum, now I had my eyes closed because I don’t want anything from you but in order for it to work you must have eye contact, this is very important otherwise it won’t work.” he continued “now once you’ve done this the person will be open to any sexual suggestion you make but only for an hour, after this the spell will end and they’ll forget everything that happened except that they’ve just had a really good time with you. Now remember keep eye contact and never tell anyone else or you’ll lose the power” “why are you telling me” Thomas asked a little confused. “Because I’m old and I’ve had my fun and you look like a guy who needs a bit of help” the old man replied. “Ok thanks mate” Thomas said turning round and taking a swig of his beer..
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