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Copy of Cosmopolitan magazine. Ilooked at her expectantly. "You have plenty of cash in that purse ofyours, plus a fistful of credit cards. Now scat!" She made it clear Iwas on my own."Hello, welcome to Walgreens!" the middle-aged woman behind thecounter said cheerfully. I was relieved it wasn't a guy. This shouldbe simple and straightforward. I grabbed the water, chips and magazinequickly and veered into unfamiliar territory, the cosmetics section. Igrabbed the first nail polish I saw, which happened to be a metallicgreen. Great. Metallic, just like my insides. I walked briskly to thecounter, grabbed a pack of gum, and dropped it in the basket, which Isat in front of the clerk.I watched the purchases flashing on the screen. I swear if I had stillbeen flesh and blood I would have felt my heart racing. I noticed mychest rising and falling more rapidly than normal. Apparently somekind of sensor read my emotional state and triggered a physicalresponse. Everything was fine until she came. They didn’t try to remove my clothes, but Karla started sniffing back at me.“Ugh!” she said, imitating me. “Bob stink bad! Bob smell like fish!”“My hands might smell like fish,” I corrected, “but you’re not smelling my hands.”“I do wish I could take a shower” said Sam. “It just feels wrong to stay here three days and never bathe.”“So take a whore’s bath,” I said. I regretted my comment immediately.“What?” came twin squeals of outrage.“Don’t tell me you never heard of a whore’s bath,” I bluffed.Suddenly I wasn’t being held down by girls anymore. They were both indignant.“Calm down. I’m not calling you whores,” I said. That would fix things. Right?“You most certainly did just call us whores!” shouted Karla.“I did not,” I said. “I suggested you take a whore’s bath. Anybody can do that, not just a whore.”“I hate that word,” said Sam. “Whore. It just sounds so awful!”The ever-pragmatic Karla had calmed down. She pulled the neck of her shirt out and sniffed her chest.“What’s a whore’s.
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