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I don't play mixed pairs because my wife doesn't golf. I don't enter club tournaments because my handicap is somewhere around my zip code. I once got high before I played and broke ninety; other than that, nothing.But I knew that this wasn't a club tournament. It wasn't a tournament at all. Jack something saw me standing off to the side and said, "Hey Andy. You want in?"I hate being called Andy. My name is Andrew; Drew to some of my friends. Assholes call me Andy."What contest", I asked?"Yeah, what contest", echoed George something?"It's a wife contest" he smugly replied."My wife doesn't play", I said."Oh, I bet she does" said Jack something."What is that supposed to mean" says I? That sounded like some kind of veiled insult, maybe not so veiled."Andy, you've got the hottest wife in the entire club. Several of us guys feel that she would be a perfect addition to the list of contestants." Contestants for what", says I?"Yeah, contestants for what", says George.There are a number of. "Look," I said. "I've had a tough day. Please - I can't take any more grief." I won't stay long. I'd just like to apologise for my behaviour this morning." Hilary's had words, has she?" Yes - and she was right. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, and I shouldn't have lied to Hilary, telling her you'd hit me. And thank you for not reporting me. I'd have killed you if I could. I'm sorry." Fine. Apology accepted." I started to close the door."No - wait," she said. "Can we talk?" If all you want is talk, then yes. I can't manage any more sex today, so we're both safe on that one. I've just finished talking to my wife, and I'm feeling lonely. If you promise to be civilised, yes. Come in."She sat down. "You're very close to your wife, aren't you?" Yes. Best friends - we always have been. And now that the sex thing has been sorted out, the marriage has gone from pretty good to bloody amazing." She writes those papers that everyone's talking about, doesn't she? About the new sexuality.
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