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It is rather ironic, therefore, that her first and many subsequent sexual experiences involved him. The first came when she was just turned eighteen, as she was beginning to awaken sexually. It was summer so she was wearing an old yellow and white light dress of a cousin, which was quite a bit too small for her. If she'd grown up with any female companions would have known was indecent, stopping as it did some way above her dirty knees, and hugging her thin but womanly hips. She had tied her long brown hair back in two thick braids to keep it out of the way during work, and tucked any stray hairs behind her ears to stop them falling into her pretty brown-eyed, freckled face. Pa was shouting at her. Nancy had done something fairly minor, but he called her into his room which always meant a whipping. As always she obeyed, wanting it over and done with. She followed him into the dark windowless room with one lamp burning, and he closed the door and locked it, which was unusual. His. And if I was honest with myself, I would have to admit that no one but me forced me to watch those videos. Or to visit those stores. Or to use that app when I was traveling for work.And if I was honest with myself, I stopped looking at her a long time ago. I started looking at the men in the gym or in our client meetings. Most men, let’s be honest, are not worth a second glance, intellectually or physically. Once in awhile though…If I am honest with myself, he could have been an ass about it. He could have used it against me or forced me. He did none of those things -- how much him being married also has to do with it, I don’t know.If I am honest with myself, it was on that trip to the conference in Portland. I’d reactivated my profile, sans picture, before I left home. It never takes long. I learned a long time ago that my situation is not uncommon. Nor is it necessary that I be handsome -- I’m not.When he suggested we get something to eat after the presentation, I thought it was.
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