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And, so I became a gym freak. I’d go at the same time. Mostly evenings. After work. But before going home. Anyways…once as I was working out on the mountain bike I saw this really really amazingly sexy man. Obviously I gawked. I mean. This here is a small town in the midwest and there are NOOOOOO hot men in a 1000mile radius. I gawked at him for a good few minutes and then tried not to. Well, it was too late. He saw me. Yep. He saw me looking at him with you know what. Intent. My eyes have that half-naughty half-amused look when I like a guy. I know it, because I make a lot of faces. Or so I’ve been told. Well, he caught me. After that, you can imagine. We had a little secret contest going in the gym. I would check him out and pretend not to. He would do the same. Only, sometimes our naughty eyes would cross paths, and we would try not to look at each other for a while. Well, it was too much sexual tension. There he was. A solid 15yrs older than me, but by far the sexiest man. Next thing I knew they were being escorted out. I prayed they’d have the good sense to leave. They didn’t, they were there in the street when we left. ‘Gentlemen,’ I began in my best Portuguese, ‘why don’t we just call this a misunderstanding? My wife felt you insulted her and she reacted. Probably we’re all square. Let’s not overreact.’ Naturally, there were some really insulting remarks aimed at my manhood. I had to explain in English to Hosi who was incensed, just what I wanted to avoid. She gave me her shoes and shooed me back to the building. It was brutal—I couldn’t watch. In less than a minute all three men were lying, bleeding in the gutter. Hosi was just putting her sandals back on when the police arrived. I explained what had occurred and why, finishing by saying we didn’t want to press charges. The officer laughed, agreeing that they had probably paid the worst punishment already, being beaten by a girl. I translated everything for Hosi—everything but that last comment..
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