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She was breaking my heart. Logic dictated that I couldn’t just let things drift. I had to do something.The truth is, I’ll never know if a decision is good or bad until I make it. On that basis, I made my decision. On Saturday, I would disclose my feelings to Karen.~~~~~On Saturday, I decided to colour my hair before Karen arrived. I removed my bra, changed my top for an old tee shirt and applied the hair dye.Moments later Karen arrived.She’d never ring my doorbell like anyone else. She’d always announced her arrival by shouting through my letterbox.“Only me babe. I’m a bit early. You gonna let me in?”Padding across the floor barefoot in my pants and tee shirt, I opened the door to let her in.“Hiya babe. I’m a bit early, let me give you a hug,” she said, as she stepped through the door putting her arms around me.In contrast to my ramshackle appearance, she looked good in her skinny jeans, flat shoes and pink top.I explained I needed to rinse the hair dye from my head.“Let me do that. I guess I wanted to be picked up. Wow, was there a difference in my thought patterns. It doesn't happen much, I treat people as people, but a female reaction happens just because it can now. Probably some of the more feminine thoughts and actions were hidden from my male self.I looked in the mirror, today, as my hair was almost dry. It fell down to my neck in curls. It helped me look pretty. How I wish that those curls could stay that way. Even hair spray doesn't keep that look long enough.There is a close male friend that I like. I wish I were his wife so we can share our lives together. I've told him that occasionally. I have told him that both directly and indirectly. I often dream that he holds me close as I feel his strength. I dream we make love as a normal heterosexual couple. I dream we do things together. I know he is a very caring and loving individual. I have a need to be with him. It is a new concept for me, but it feels right. My love for him is one reason I would get.
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