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Was she intentionally flashing for me?Chloe walked out from the laundry room, looked at Cindy, and stopped. In a condescending tone she barked “Really? Go put on some underwear- you can see right through that”Cindy looked to the ceiling, flipped her hands out in exasperation - “jeeze- you’re always telling me what to do... you aren’t my boss”And stormed back into her bedroom. Chloe rolled her eyes, clearly unconcerned that I might be aroused by her little sister. “I have to go up and do the dishes. This won’t take very long”, and ran up the stairs. The moment she hit the top step Cindy came out of her bedroom, walked over to me, and poked a finger in my tummy. I flinched and laughed, stepped back, and looked at her up and down. I could see was still naked under her nightshirt. She turned to go to the laundry room, mumbling “I need to follow Hitler’s orders”...She came back out holding a bra and panties, and twirled them in the air as she walked by me. I watched her bare ass through. My sagging breasts. I knew intuitively that I was doing this to myself, but I wanted it. I wanted to feed off self-loathing. In my mind, it made my husband a better man. Plus, this way I can control fixing it all. I can somehow make this about me, instead of the reality, which was it had nothing to do with me. By making it somehow my fault that my husband didn’t want me, I could avoid the truth. The truth I couldn’t bare. I had been shut out of the romance in my husband’s life. Somehow I had to get myself out of that dark place. I hopped in the bath and shook my head to knock some common sense into me. It was entirely unacceptable for me to go there. If my husband did not want me any more because I was no longer young, and my body showed the transformation baring our children had forced, then I didn’t want him. And it didn’t make any sense. Peter wasn’t like that. But then I didn’t think it was like him to take a lover either. And a younger lover! I was glad to be in the hot bath..
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