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This went on for a number of years until the children left home for university. Then everything changed. One autumn, I came home at lunchtime to start the weekend early and do the bit of decorating I had been putting off for months, when the doorbell rang. It was Tina and she was in a right state, sobbing and stammering. Tina had expected to find Jess home but I put my arm around her and gave her the comfort that she sought. When Tina calmed down enough to talk coherently, she explained that she had left Richard after a blazing row. I was shocked. Tina had confided in Jess months ago that things were not right, but I wasn’t aware of how bad things had got. Tina then unburdened herself on me, explaining that behind the veneer of normality Richard was a bully and subjected Tina to a daily ritual of abuse. They hadn’t had sex for years and the final straw was Tina catching Richard shagging his secretary at his factory unit. She had only kept the marriage going for the sake of the. I was becoming an expert on my own psychology and was developing an interest in hormones and plastic surgery. I had just been through hell in hospitals and here I was seeking out new ways to take myself back there. But I had to find out for myself. By now I was venturing out in the car to towns several miles away. I was parking in public places and going into shops, walking along high streets and trying to see if people noticed me. No one seemed to bat an eyelid. I even thought I was getting some admiring glances, but this may have been wishful thinking. I found a hairdresser and asked her to do something with my hair. She asked who had cut it last and I told her, truthfully about the chemotherapy and she was very sympathetic. She worked a miracle and produced a spiky mop that fell a little over my face and looked a million dollars. The same afternoon, I plucked up the courage to get my ears pierced, and then my tummy button. Now I had made some permanent changes to my appearance.
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