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M. for $350. Another Walgreens for $320. And two more Walgreens for $288 and $260. Me: What the fuck! “Uh, those aren’t my transactions. Can you cancel my card? Customer Service: “No problem. I’m canceling your card right now. And you said those aren’t your transactions?” Me: “Nope.” Customer Service: “Okay, I’m going to transfer you to the Fraud Department. One second.” [“…all the vampires walkin’ through the valley. Move west down Ventura Boulevard. And all the bad boys are standin’ in the shadows. And the good girls are home with broken hearts. Now I’m free! Free fallin’! Yeah I’m free! Free fallin’ Whoa-oo-Whoa…”] Fraud Department: “Fraud Department, this is Lucy.” Me: “Hi, Lucy. I’d like to report a stolen card.” After five minutes of going over questions about timelines and possible culprits, Lucy had one final question: “Would you be willing to testify in court?” Testify in court? That meant that when they found Jada and Sharane, all the sleazy details of that night would be. ‘That will be $9.75.’ ‘Did you check my oil?’ ‘Yeah, you’re full.’ ‘Did you clean my windshield?’ ‘I did when while you were talking to your friends.’ ‘Did you put air in all four tires?’ ‘I did as you asked.’ ‘Great. Thanks a lot.’ I handed him a ten. ‘Keep the change,’ I said as I pulled out of the gas station. ‘Hey, thanks a lot. Now, I can afford to put my kids through college, you cheap bastard,’ he yelled after me as I drove off. People always thought that I had money when they saw my big car. If they only knew that I had to take a collection to buy gas from my friends. After my friends tired of driving their two door cars, they would hop in my car and we’d go for a ride. My car was so big that I could fit 5 skinny teenagers comfortably in the back seat. It was a great car for the drive-in movies because the trunk was big enough to fit three of my friends and we didn’t have to pay the full admission price. The only cars that were bigger than my car were the Chrysler Imperial,.
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