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I like to hang out with my girlfriends, but I’d rather hang out with my guy friends. I like to be in the woods, hunting, or playing football, or simply sitting, doing nothing but drinking a beer with the guys.The girls were always talking about sex, or their boyfriends and the guys, well, they chatted about banging “so and so” but not in a lurid and perverted way. And for the most part, the guys didn’t really talk about their sexual prowess whenever I was around. I don’t know if it was out of respect for me, or that they simply didn’t make their sexual appetite a central part of their conversations.John and Jim were school mates of mine. We were all twenty-one and starting our junior year at a local university. John and Jim shared an apartment together, and it was kind of our little “safe place” from the rest of the world.I was perfectly content with my guy friends, and there was never any pressure by either John or Jim when it came to sex. In fact, we often joked about it and they. Another kiss, and she was pulling me to her. Another kiss and she sucked on my bottom lip. With the next one, her tongue met mine. And when we met for the next one, I wrapped her up and guided her down onto my bed.My self-loathing side screamed at me that this was wrong, but it sounded like it was yelling from the other end of a football field. I could hear it, even understand it. If I was really Leanne's friend, if I really respected her, I should get up from the bed and put some distance between us, allow her the chance to change her mind so I didn't mess up her life.I did respect her. I didn't know her that well, but the more we talked, the more I would get to know her. She was smart, driven, and knew what she wanted to do. Based on that, I knew that if she didn't want to be lying here with me now, she wouldn't be. So, I ignored my self-loathing. I hadn't heard any good advice from it since I met Jordan and I was beginning to believe I never would.I don't know how long we were.
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