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Facing the wall, I turned to the right to give myself room to button up and tuck in. I turned too far to the right. My ever-searching eyes darting all over the room, they landed on the monitor. There was my baby, the one that lived inside me right now. There was my baby, exactly as it had looked two minutes before when the picture was taken. There was my baby, who in two more minutes or maybe two hours from now would be cut and sucked out of me. By my choice. If I were the fainting kind, that would have done it. I will never, ever forget that image. My tiny, curled-up, potato-headed baby- he was real. Too early to determine sex (and they probably wouldn’t have told me anyway), I was sure it was a boy. I named him Julian, and for the rest of the time I was there I talked to him and apologized and tried to explain. I told him I felt it was fortunate that I believe in reincarnation, because that meant he’d get another chance to go to someone who could take care of him properly and spoil. Soon we were all immersed back in our uk existences hoping for our next holiday which fortunately wasn,t long in coming. Sarah loves to read women,s magazines which feature competitions and regularly entered them, but in years had only ever won a handbag so the family holiday win in amber Sands, Norfolk was a welcome windfall with all expenses except transport to and from London but as we had family rail saver tickets that resolved that problem so two weeks prior to school reopening in 1982 we arrived in Norfolk for a week,s break. As they provided baby sitters for a small fee in the evening Sarah and I often took part in the karaoke sessions in the resort bar as well as drinking and soon made friends with other holiday makers. Two young single males called a Will and Chip from Surrey who I at first suspected were gay proved that totally wrong after we were invited to their chalet the third night we were there. I think Sarah was more curious to see how far they,d got, but booze.
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