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.. what he allowed us to sense, but I have spoken with Queen Anja and Queen Dysea both. All they sense now is blackness. It is no different then what I feel, a black void even emptier that it was before.Then he still lives. Arzoal spoke her voice filled with relief.How do you know that?If the King was dead anyone connected to him would feel him die. Arzoal spoke quickly. For'mya tell me ... does he ... does he still have love for Aricia?What?Has what we have done ... has it burned the love for her from his heart? Arzoal asked.Arzoal ... I am not that strong. I can't see his mind like that. For'mya spoke.Is there anything you can tell me For'mya? Anything at all that could allow me to try and repair the damage I have done.For'mya shook her head slowly. I don't know. He never speaks of her ... and his mind is shut in a way that blocks me from that portion of his thoughts. He ... he holds the pendant when he sleeps, whenever he reads his reports... Pendant? Arzoal barked. What pendant?I. A searing pain in both, at the same time. My hand went immediately tomy groin. But no, there was nothing there. Just the slit below mytrimmed bush, with the nubbin poking out between the folds. No balls.Long gone.I understand that all amputees have feelings like this - a sore thumb onan arm removed, a calf cramp where there is no leg. I am told that maleto female transsexuals do not feel the same thing. Maybe for them thegenitals never belonged, so they are never missed. But I am not atranssexual. I am a feminized man, surgically altered against my will.I check my forehead. I have always had plenty of hair, but before allthis it was receding in the front. They pulled my scalp forward when mybrow was modified, so that I now have a feminine hairline. But at thesame time my eyebrows are higher and I sometimes think that gives me avacuous look. Like I am always a little surprised. On inspection thereis not a single blemish on my face. The daily routine I must carry outhas.
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