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”The young woman gave her a sympathetic look. A wave of pain passed across Helen’s face, not because of her lack of painkillers this time, but due to the sad memories that came back, unbidden, to her.“He got himself another couple of models, pretty girls, a year or two younger than me and, obviously, slimmer than me, I was all fat and frumpy and Mumsy at the time of course.” Helen said, testily. “I had no reason to suspect anything was amiss, Jonathan was the perfect husband, and it was just his job, painting these pictures of women, but nevertheless I got jealous. I felt trapped, unattractive, and bored. Motherhood wasn’t really for me. Nowadays there’s all sorts of help for what they call Post-Natal Depression, but back then it was just assumed that you were a poor mother.” Helen continued: “I was so glad when my Mother offered to look after both the children for a while, to give me a break.” The young woman held Helen’s hand lightly, as she began to tremble as the painful memories. And maybe I'm a duck! Dumb-ass, having all three was never part of your plans.I didn't refuse because it never occurred to me. Izzy told me what the three of them had agreed on and I went along with it.Why?I don't know. I honestly don't know. My mind was on other things at the time, like keeping us all alive and free and trying to figure out how to keep things that way.Why?I don't know why ... I just did!WHY?"Because I fuckin' wanted to, and that's all the reason I need, goddamnit!" I snarled at my shoes.Maybe, just maybe, you're finally starting to grasp the reality of things.Sarcastic, smart-assed, know-it-all sonofabitch. I hate talking to myself.Leaving the lobby that evening was markedly different from my arrival a few days before. Except for the sea of discomforting emotions I had to wade thru it was smooth and uneventful. No one asked me any stupid questions or insisted on running my ID thru scanners. The guards didn't even delay me long enough to run detector wands over my.
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