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Jeannette was giving me second thoughts, not because of the ‘guilt’ factor, but because of my internal conflict. The bottom line was I wouldn’t feel guilty about being with Nancy because of Nancy, but because I was failing to live up to the standard which the Church had set. But any claims to follow that standard had more or less gone out the window when I’d been with Emmy and Becky.I could explain Jocelyn as a one-time thing, missing the mark, so to speak, and if we’d eventually married without being with anyone else, in the end, it would simply be a matter of ‘getting things out of order’, as it were, and while not perfect, we’d have kept to the basic principle of one man and one woman for life. That whole thing had, as I’d just thought to myself, gone out the window with Emmy. And Becky had more or less put the nail in the coffin. In the end, my internal struggle was silly.I certainly still believed the overall teaching of the Church, as I had before the Summer started. And I. Unprepared for a party we walked to the liquor store about a block away. Ginger and I walked about 20 feet in front of our friends; she asked me "your not really going to have sex with her are you?" I responded by saying I don’t know yet.We arrived at the store, my friend bought a big bottle of Jim Beam, and we headed back this time they were in front of as we walked. My girlfriend was rambling on about something, I had no idea what and my attention was totally preoccupied on watching my friend’s wife as she walked in front of us. She was wearing a half shirt and some really short shorts where just the smallest part of her ass was showing. You know in those videos on MTV, where they focus in on the girl’s ass while she is walking? It was just like that; everything went in slow motion her ass just swinging so seductively back and forth hypnotically. I finally broke from my trance turned to my girlfriend and said “Yes.” “Yes” what she said, with a look of confusion, yes I am going to.
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